Reality

I'm back! from an extended vaycay. I haven't studied in so long my brain is pooping out on me so I'm gonna blog a bit. This past month has been amazing. November is my favorite month of the whole year. The weather is always the perfect in between (although in texas it's always on the warmer side), Thanksgiving is always a food marathon and I get to celebrate my birthday with everrrryone I love because everyone comes home for break. 

I couldn't get all the girls in the picture we had a kewt little tea party a few days ago at Madhatter's Teahouse.

Just a few pics of some amazing people I got to spend time with this week.

Better Off

Things that are making me happy ... starbucks rice krispies with big chunks of marshmellows, chawly, amazing friends and foxtails. 

Have hope.. be happy!

Be Better

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past as better than it was, the present worst then it really is and the future less resolved than it will be

- Marcel Pagnol

When people doubt you, it's easy to start believing them. Instead, challenge yourself to be better. 

Ever since I've moved to San Antonio my room has never been as clean, except for that one time my parents came up to visit me and I stashed my mess under my bed :p Anyway it was a good reflection of how I was feeling. Kind of lost, in a rut, with no plan or direction... So I changed all that today. I picked up the pile of clothes, dusted off the shelves, and made my BED! It makes all the difference when I go to bed. Instead of shifting things here and there and curling up in the one corner of my bed that has not been invaded by clothes or books I have the whole bed to myself! When you want things done you just have to do it. Don't get bogged down in the little things that happen day to day that don't go right. 

Also, don't over-analyze things. There are things you have to accept that you cannot change. Like the way other people feel or what they think of you. Try as you might, it is hard to change their perception of you. It's good in the beginning when the slate is clean, but once it's been dinged, it's pretty hard to smooth things over again.  

Oh yeah... and don't get fat. I fall into a vicious cycle of binge eating when I'm down or stressed.. then pants start to get tight and it makes me even more depressed. So put down the pizza and don't go to jack in the box AND wendys in one outing. 

Photo vomit...

Charlie taking the stuffing out of the already stuffing-less bear. 

 

No shame...

Belated

What I wore to the Linkin park concert... that should be another entry in itself.. but I'm so tired right now..

I got inspired to write a real blog post after reading my friend morris's blog. I guess it's easy to get caught up in the grind that you forget the small things that keep you sane. 

Although it's such a simple concept I've recently been reminded that you can't please everyone. I need to stop making commitments that I can't fulfill. You just end up disappointing everyone, including yourself. So I was going through a rough patch a few weeks back, doubting myself about everything... I had pretty much convinced myself I would be a crazy dog lady and that my prime was over. I surprised myself though and dug myself out of that pity party. I know how can someone be lonely in a class of 220 students, with a dog waiting lovingly at home, a groupme of close friends and cousins, and a family that loves to hear your phone calls... seriously my mom called me crying the night I drove back to SA last weekend. I've just been used to having that one significant other to spill my guts to and it was weird not having that. But I think I've found a balance to everything now, and I know now how much of my life I really have control over. It's interesting that people can feel helpless sometimes, when really you have the power to do anything and feel any thing you want. Blah blah blah okay pictures.. that's all this blog is good for :)

Pics from my instagram... finally using it after months of making an account and never bothering to figure out how it worked

 

Oh yeah on another note... more people are getting engaged... awesome 

Life

The jacket I was super excited about last post came in. I've managed to wear it at least 3 times already even though there never seems to be an occasion to dress up in SA. I like to dress up a little when I feel stressed out or sad and lately that's been happening a lot. It was so bad that I didn't even want to get out of bed or put together anything cute. Things are slowly getting better, it helps that the linkin park concert is this tues!

I used to hate all things lipstick, or even came in a lipstick like tube, but these are so smooth and moisturizing I feel like they're more like tinted balm instead. Anyway went a little crazy and tried these 3 colors: peach, soft nude, and coral. I pretty much love them all, even though seeing your lips in a drastically different color is a little weird and costume-y.

Anyway blogging is cutting into my precious sleeptime now. So goodnight!

Fancy Mustard

This is the problem with reading blogs.. I'm always tempted to buy everything! But I honestly had to have her jacket. I love the color, 3/4 sleeve, textured material, cut ..everything! So I ordered it on this site. 

Also love the back! Anyway hopefully I fit the xs. Oh an if you are a new customer at revolve you get 30% off... just saying :)

LP PT 2

AUG 28th.

I have no class that day... it was a sign that going to this concert was meant to be. TICKETS BOUGHT! 

Postcard

Spectacular views on our way to and from Xela

*sorry I wrote this post a week ago and never posted, if that makes more sense


It's already been a week. 2 more weeks still feels like forever though. So I left off at Casa Manen and so many experiences have occurred since then. I will try to recall everything that has happened. Sunday after we settled into the hotel we left for Xela to meet with the girls for an hour or so before dinner. I was completely unprepared for the barrage of hugs, tears, and kisses. Of course the girls were more excited and connected to the members of our team that had visited in past years, but they still hugged and clung to me and the new members. I tried to get to know them with what little spanish I knew, basically asked their names and age and was completely confused when they gave me long answers which I didn't understand. We ate a beautiful cake that the girls baked and then the sisters gave us a tour of the orphange/home. The girls were so excited to show us their dorm rooms and all the specialty rooms where they learned a trade. The orphanage had a room for embroidery, sewing, baking, art, classrooms, and chapel. The building was amazingly clean compared to the dirt and mud roads that led up to it.

After leaving the girls we went back to the hotel, ate a simple meal and had a devotional. Then afterwards the medical team met to set the game plan for the next day.

Breakfast always starts at 715. Monday morning we ate a huge breakfast and headed to the church down the dirt road from the orphanage. We unloaded the supplies, set up the pharmacy, triage, and clinic areas.  Towards the back of the church the sisters had already set up a semi private clinic room which consisted of a pew with a sheet hanging by rope to conceal the area. Already there was a line of patients there for us to see.Every 2 hours or so we would rotate areas. So the first day we were off to a slow start. I began in the triage area, taking in patients,asking them for their chief complaints and taking vitals. ALL IN ESPANOL! We saw 48 patients the first day.

more later..

Arrival

Yesterday we arrived in Guatemala around 3PM and drove to the Hotel Vista Real which is a 5 star hotel :O to my surprise. I thought we would be staying there all week but since it was a 4 hour drive to the orphanage we had to relocate to Casa Manens. Anyway yesterday we just settled down and met everyone in the group which consists of about 10 people from the Baptist Church and then 8 people on the medical team.

Every morning and evening we have devotional time, which makes me uncomfortable when it is strongly religious. Basically one person is chosen to share a story, or scripture that they find inspirational. I like how it brings everyone together in a positive way but also makes me feel distanced from the group because I don't necessarily agree or have the same faith. After a long night of meetings and planning I passed out at 1030PM.

We woke up early, 5:45AM early.... we headed out en route to visit a shelter for girls that have been trafficked or abused. It was one of the most impactful moments of the day and possibly of the trip. We saw pictures of 28 girls that have passed through the home. It is pretty sad that the US is the top users of human trafficking and that it is prevalent even in the states of both non immigrant and immigrant populations. As we were blessing the home and saying a prayer for the girls, they started tearing up and it made me want to bawl. I felt like I had no right to cry in front of them though because they have been through so much more and have suffered beyond anything that a child should. After we left them we headed to Xela (Quetzaltenango) with a stop to eat at Katok.

Then it was another 2 hour drive up to the mountain to our location. The winding roads and gasoline fumes were starting to get to people and we had a vomiting episode in the car (not me btw). We drove to such high altitudes that we were driving through clouds!

anyway everyone in my room is sleeping now so I'll continue later.

Nobody But You

It's weakness when you give into someone because you are afraid to hurt their feelings, or afraid of disappointment. I've always been passive, even when I was little I would get so anxious when I wanted to speak up in class or voice my opinion. But if you don't speak up you will never have a choice and you will always feel powerless and helpless to control your path in life.  Nobody knows what is best for you because happiness is defined only by yourself. Although people may have good intentions that does not mean that they can fulfill you or give you what you need. In the end as long as you are proud of your actions and can sleep soundly at night will you be content with the live you are living. If you are doing what you feel in your heart is right then how can anyone say you for making a mistake...

White + Stripes

Peek a boo from Charliebear. We had a photoshoot together before summer started haha. I bought white pants from zara a little while ago even though I'm notorious for getting food on my clothes. I got it cause I wanted to wear them to Europe, but lo and behold I forgot to pack them ... haha Charlie is sooo big now. I missed him like crazy while I was in europe, every roman statue of an animal reminded me of charlie. In Italy people walk their dogs everywhere! They even bring them into retail stores. But we didn't see any corgis.. :(

Byeee :)

Deejay

I normally try to avoid listening to the radio, but since our rental car doesn't have aux, we listen to the italian radio stations and they have a MUCH better mix than ours. They actually play linkin park omygah, anyway here are a few catchy ones they play, and maybe these have been on the radio for forever but I've just never listened to them. I just uploaded another 450 pictures... and I'm currently weeding out the ones where I look like I gained 100 lbs lol, I need to lay off the pasta seriously.

Allo

I'm in Roma!

It's wednesday night, 11:50 PM in Rome right now. I can't believe I've been to the Czech Republic and Italy in less than 4 days. Prague was amazing, we basically wandered the city, and trekked over a bridge to a castle. We also tried a Vietnamese place in Prague, called Pho Vietnam that was pretty good...of course we would find the only asian food place in Prague (exaggeration) and attempt to eat there twice in 2 days. haha I miss asian food already, butt Italy DOES have amazing food. Carbs galore. I've had soo much ice cream/gelato, pasta, gyros, pizza ... ahh I try to make myself feel better by reminding myself that we walk prob 7-10 miles a day haha. I tried to upload pictures from my phone but those pictures don't do rome justice and I don't think my netbook has bluetooth..

So I'm just going to ramble... today we tried to wake up at 7AM to see ancient rome, colosseum, pantheon, fountain di trevi, circo massimo, campo de fiori, and plazza navona... a bit ambitious to say the least. We ended up rolling out of bed at 12:15PM... haha but we made up for it, making it to the colosseum, circo massimo, campo, and plazza navona. It's been a bit frustrating that everywhere we go people are so slow. Everytime we eat the waiters take their sweet time, I guess americans aren't used to taking everything at a leisurely pace. There is just so much to see!! If we spent 3 hours for everymeal, eating would take up half the day...

Anyway tomorrow we're going to some gardens and making a trip to vatican city.

ciao

Belizeeee

 

Miss the days spent falling asleep on the beach, eating the best custard ever, hugging trees, and spending time with the bf :) 

Reminder

 

"Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be–a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger–but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles, you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can. Not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen to what they have to say.

Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. Most importantly, if you love someone tell him or her, for you never know what tomorrow will have in store. You learn a lesson in life each day you live. Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday." — Unknown

Rage

Yesterday I went with the bf to the batting cages to release some rage. I've been so angry lately it felt sooo friggin good to swing at something with a bat. I wonder if there is someplace you can go and just go all out on a car with a bat, like junky cars away. I bet that would be really stress relieving. I would be a regular. :)

Know Better

I'm always surprised at how insensitive medical students can be. We are bombarded with useless facts and complex pathways that will never be relevant in clinical practice and then we blow off classes like "On Becoming a Doctor". I'm not saying that no one takes it seriously, but some people have no social skills whatsoever. Maybe social skills is the wrong word, I meant the common decency to know when is the right time to speak and whether what they are saying is inappropriate or not. As future doctors aren't we supposed to realize what a touchy topic a person's health condition is?

I know having a chronic, potentially physically disfiguring condition is hard, but it's even harder when someone constantly asks and prods at you about it. I know it's just part of accepting it. I know I can't hide from it forever. BUT IT SUCKS. I try not to let it get to me, make me any less confident, or even pity myself so I try to remind myself that some people do not know any better.

I guess I'm just beating around the bush but I am just fed up with people saying things to me without thinking first. It's insulting and hurtful and makes me want to punch them in the face... I was torn between being a bigger person and just ripping them a new one, because they obviously need to know that the way they are acting is unacceptable but in the end I tried to take the high road, because there will always be idiots out there.

ugh

Talent

Quality wise I don't know how great these are, but they look pretty awesome. The 2nd and 3rd ones are "Silent" violins and are electric violins.

They're so amazinggg!!!



I love their version of requiem for a dream that was adapted for the movie Lord of the Rings, renamed Requiem for a Tower. They look so intense while they play its so pretty! After going to our school talent show it made me wish I had kept practicing the violin. Hopefully in between studying I could practice..

Anywhere Else

I'm on the 5th floor of the library in a windowless corner wishing I could be anywhere else but here. I'm especially wishing I were in bed cuddled in my freshly washed comforter that Charlie recently peed on... I can't believe we are in our final weeks of med school. Just 7 moar weeks and FREEDOM! I will be back in Houston for a few weeks to shadow and relax with the fam and then its off to Guatemala for 3 weeks. I'm super pumped up to go.. now I just need someone to practice my spanish with haha. Anyway last week I felt like I was dying, I even went to the ER because I couldn't go to the regular doc for the chest pains I was having. It was weird having to wear a gown, letting someone put an IV in and getting chest x rays, but I'm okay now. Soon after I got better I got 2 stys .. sties? in one eye! I felt like I looked like the hunchback or something, oh yeah and I fell down some stairs in the rain, that was awesome.

Hopefully I don't kill myself before I come back to Houston in a week. :D





Wishing I were here!

I'm Dying

I thought I was dying on Thursday when I diagnosed myself with an enlarged left atria that was compressing my esophagus... but it may just be acid reflux. Anyway it's been keeping me up at nights so I'm attempting to go to the doctor today.

I keep trying to upload pictures but blog won't let me :(

I played my first IM softball game yesterday and guess what? yeah I got hit with the ball, of course haha Lets just say it was a pretty brutal game. I'd like to think we could have made a comeback if there were like 15 innings or something. BUT I did score the first run for my team.. yay I'm not completely useless woot!

I have yet to unpack all my things from my trip. After I drove back to San Antonio yesterday at 6AM I unpacked food, did 2 loads of laundry (that haven't been folded), slept, and dragged myself to 3 hrs of neuroscience. After I got home I had to wash charlie... cause he peed in my bathroom only he didn't pee a big pool he just kind of sprinkled here and there... then I went to softball, went to dinner for a friend's bday, ran to HEB to get lightbulbs.. and other misc, then just stayed home instead of going out drinking for his birthday, it felt amazing to sleep at 11:30.

Hi Cutie

Charlie makes everything better.







9 MOAR days?? Spring break ima comin! I can't believe I've only blogged once this year, med school has gotten the best of me. I haven't been juicing lately, except when I go back home but I have hit up the gym a LOT more than I did before, which was never.. haha BEACH BODY! wheee

Okayy back to studying.